“What’s sex got to do with love?” …”money, the real sort, is silent, all five letters”.. couple of my oft repeated phrases…. couple of the more controversial ones as well. I recently did some degree of reflection on these “to live life by” rules of mine and the new realisation, interpretation is heart warming if anything… reiterates my other inherent belief “good people always win”.
Sex has nothing to do with love, at all. It is as mundane and trivial a physical interaction as say shaking hands. Standalone at least that’s how “huge” sex is. You might as well be in a gym exchanging body fluids with that ripped guy in his barely there shorts who just left the bench all wet and steamy for you to lay your towel over. Standalone, emotionless sex is in the end just a physical interaction, you could’ve had a game of badminton with the other party and kept the risk of contracting STDs at bay. So why do we get all offended, disgusted, shattered, antsy, depressed when someone who we have built our lives with, emotionally and also physically over the years, investing our sweat, blood and everything else into it…. strays? Why is a partner getting frisky outside considered such an offence? I think it’s because, not everyone and certainly not anyone with an IQ under 119 would understand without being told so by Robin Sharma, Deepak Chopra, Paulo Coelho or more recently the poster-boy for all dimwits ‘the’ Chetan Bhagat…. that the act of sex at the end of the day is an animal instinct which is in no way associated with connect…. perhaps this explains how actors in movies “do it”.
All that changes when you start working your way towards the ends, essentially you realise that sex is enjoyable and brings happiness when there’s meaning associated, when it’s part of your journey…. just a small part… not entirely insignificant but certainly not the end game. It is the journey that accords meaning to the act. Having lived a life with someone, of having been through thick and thin together, of having grown older with someone, is the big turn on, the foreplay if you will. The animal act turns into something entirely different when there’s baggage associated, and baggage here does not have a negative connotation. The brain comes into the picture when there’s history, without history it’s just a feral spontaneous instinct and spontaneity can be a great feeling standalone, however in the greater scheme of things, where there is trade off involved, it is important to do the analysis clinically before jumping the red light. It’s immaterial if you like the person you are contemplating a fling with, whether you respect them or not… It’s the integration by parts that creates the whole picture and we all agree that for the sake of sanity having the whole picture is always more desirable as it helps make better decisions.
This brings me to the other realisation. Recently I’ve had occasion to interact with some of the richest people in the country (the 1% crowd). Some of them are neighbours. All of them are extremely down to earth, very warm, respectful and unassuming. All of these people (and I am extremely finicky about who I allow into my inner circle) are first generation rich folks, the only way to be. They are self made folks who started small and clawed their way to the top of their game. Software people, construction magnates, hoteliers, retail chain owners all from varied backgrounds. All have a few things in common;
- they take the time to make eye contact
- they smile
- they don’t mind being seen in the most basic of cars and hold on to these cars for almost forever
- they spend time with their families, specially with their wives and kids
- they make the effort to live a simple life not worried about image or perception
- they are particular about waking up early and going for a walk with the spouse
- they don’t get irritated easily
- they are healthy because of their own efforts and rarely if ever need to pop pills
- even if they are overweight, which usually they are not, they are comfortable with it and look all the more beautiful because of this confidence
- read a lot but never accept that they are well read, always open to getting educated without being condescending
In stark contrast are some of the other folks I come in contact with on a fairly regular basis. These are the second and third generation rich. The yuppies who got wealth and businesses handed down to them from their elders. Here are a few observations about these people:
- they are always busy
- easily irritated
- drive the flashiest of cars (Audis, RangeRovers, Jaguars, always new ones always flashy)
- Live in two or more flats that have been joined to make one huge penthouse
- are always popping pills to feel better, arely get any sleep, can never wake up before 9AM, always need to get some rest
- are almost always on some sort of diet, exercise regimen, fad tech to lose that extra spare tyre that they are so embarrassed about (as if someone else gave it to them)
- need vacations to get over the stress of the last…. vacation
- know it all without as much as reading one book, after all whatsapp is more than enough to educate even the busiest of bums
The journey of having made their money from scratch. That here again is the differentiation. The journey from scratch to zenith, that is what bring peace and abundance. Getting it all handed down to you as the previous generation passes away only creates vacuum, discontent, disease. The nuo rich, second generation rich, will argue that to maintain the momentum, grow the business is also extremely important and much more difficult work. To them I say ok then give it all away and build your life from scratch like your parents did that’s easier work and it’ll teach you to smile again, fair deal. Earn your first million, the second, the third, buy the first house, the second, join them (instead of inheriting one from his mom the other from her dad when they die and joining them for yourself). Go for walks with your wife and kids, lose the spare tyre, get fit, throw away all those medicine cabinets you’ve created all over your “conjoined houses”, read more books to learn new ideas…. but no these new rich are too busy sounding, acting, flashing their busy-ness too busy to understand what’s actually happening. In a way the real deal, the people who worked hard and actually made it happen did a disservice to their children by handing down the wealth. Had the kids been expected to build their own empires rather than join the “family business” things would have been so much more happier for the kids. But then a dead person can’t really think in retrospect.
It all boils down to journey…. the journey is what matters. It’s the journey that is more important. The destination will come eventually. In all probability if you’ve not enjoyed the journey the destination would be fairly underwhelming. So yes with both sex and money focus on the associated journey, the associated goodness that life has to offer and never settle for short term gain. Yes it’s extremely exciting to think how one can become suddenly rich once an older relative, family member, parent passes on or for that matter similarly it’s extremely exciting to suddenly discover that sex on the side with someone who till yesterday was not even in your life, is a possibility…. however in the big picture is it really worth it? Does it translate into a real gain? Or was it actually just a curse that destroyed what was/could’ve been. Is it really worth it?