What is it about our nation that has the whole world salivating over it? I was thinking about something else in the shower when this question came to me…. the answer is pretty obvious, in fact if I were to open the window to let in some air it’d be staring me in my face…. numbers…. we are a nation that has so much population that it has become the root cause of all problems….. infrastructure is clogged even before you can get to the drafting table with up-gradation plans leave alone actually upgrading it to take on the volumes….. houses are SOLD even before a builder has secured the bank finance to start construction…. on festive occasions jewelry shops resemble fish markets with heavy set auntyjis wearing tonnes of gold fighting to buy more….. that’s it we have numbers….. local trains used to run every 7 minutes now they run every 2 minutes, still the same packing factor…. we are a country full of people….
So how does it help the world? Why does everyone want a piece of the action back here?…. well I thought of two recent examples…. the movie Happy New Year and the book Half Girlfriend…… two prime examples of crap sandwiches that have been declared “Top grosses” and “Number One best seller” respectively….. so basically a crap sandwich that now has pride of place on the menu of a Michelin starred restaurant that is India….. how the hell did we get here…. oh for one with a lot of fornication but then we do not talk about that as sex talk is considered apavitrata (taboo bordering on sleaze and stinky sweat which btw is every guy on the street but then that’s ok) by the general masses…. we got here because of our numbers….
The logic is to launch a product, get it out the door yesterday, do not think about the feasibility, do not worry about functionality, what the hell does integration/scalability/backward compatibility have to do with success….. we will think about what it does and how it does it after we’ve release the product on the masses….. now consider this…. in every population there is a small fraction of the people who will be game to try a new thing…. they will look at the price and go “oh hmmmm 49 buck eh!? it fits perfectly in my pants back pocket as well….. hell wth load me up chief!”….. in a country like America where there are roughly 35 people in a 1km radius the number would be lets say 5…. in India there are roughly 350 people in a 1km radius and in a city like Mumbai there’s actually 29650 human beings in a 1km radius….. so if a product hits the market place in the US it sells 5 units in a 1sq km area…. in India it sells 50 units per sq km….. in Mumbai city it sells 4235.7142857142857142857142857143 units per sq km!!! and this is anything that is launched without any value just a competitive price (though truth be told anything under 50 bucks is going to sell way more than 4235.7 units in Mumbai…. the logic is “lets try it out how bad can it be”)….. so there you have it….. the first hurdle is breached without even an effort except that of getting the product out the door….
Once a product has sold 50 x 3,287,240 units (the big number is the total geographical area of our nation) which is roughly 164362000 units or in simple english 16 Crore 43 Lakh and 62 thousand units you really do not need to worry too much about the marketing anymore… or the function that it performs or the quality or anything else for that matter….. you’ve broken even…. you’ve made your 200Crores in the first weekend…. sold your book to enough people to start a domino effect…. the newspapers now do the rest “so many people have used this product, what are you waiting for?”…… now you can price your product at a higher price and still people will come knocking to get a piece of popular culture…. Happy New Year will zoom to the number one block buster of all time slot, Half Girlfriend will zoom to fastest number one bestseller ever slot…..
But that is perfectly fine in fact wow awesome for business if you ask me….. there’s only one problem…. I forgot to mention that your product should be a no brainer…. it should be built on one and only one guideline “no brains required”….. the moment you make your audience read and think and process and digest and face conflict…… ooooooh wrong move…. this is why evry1 wrts lke ths tdy….. emails are painfully short and convey less than what’s said in the disclaimer slapped to the bottom of every email…. “brains not required” is the motto we live by….. a Haider which is a cerebral look at a complex conflict situation that has been haunting our subcontinents psyche for almost forever now is ripped a new hole every passing day…. those who have seen it and appreciated it keep quite about the fact…. for fear of being labelled seditious…. why because the right wingers for reasons known to all chose to label it so….. and every pot head on the street now immediately associates Haider with anti nationalism….. Chutzpah is the word of the year but then what fucking Chutzpah
so yeah in short we have a terribly strong resource at hand…. the only challenge is to make brainless products for this palpitating throbbing salivating market…. China has understood this secret superbly well….. they make products that we’ve traditionally used in India for a fraction of the cost that we make them for, add a bonus “free quantity” and deliver it yesterday…. of course we call it “China maal” and make fun of it…. but then that’s what everyone buys….. after all it’s cheap, it’s a no brainer and wth we’re not closed to experimenting at least 16 out of 100 will try it and that’s almost a quarter of a billion units sold even before people realize it’s a dud…. bring it on!
Oh I forgot to write about the responsibility bit…. and I wrote a long note…. and it might make people think….. damn….. doomed…..